Lisa In Wonderland
by Silvertide
Summary: This is a Simpsons parody of Alice In Wonderland with touches of Matt Groening's Life In Hell. Rated PG13 for beheadings, drunken butterflies and flirtatious bumblebees. [FINAL VERSION]
1. skies of blue, tunnels of dark

Note: All copyrights belong to their respective owners and for better or worse, I am not one of them. It was written without any intent to make money, so if you own said copyrights, please do not sue.  
  
LISA IN WONDERLAND by Silvertide  
  
Bright rays of the sun occasionally filtered through patches of puffy white clouds on a warm afternoon day. Under the yellow and sometimes clouded sun, a young girl in an orange dress sat under a green tree growing out of a green lawn. It was the sort of warm day to nap under the warm blue sky or curl up reading a good book in the shade. Sitting with her back rested against a tree, the little girl sighed.  
  
"Oh... why can't everyday be this nice?" thought the girl.  
  
She had a book on her lap. She opened it. She put it back down. She closed her eyes. "Maybe I should just take a nap under this tree instead..."  
  
With her eyes still closed, she remembered earlier in the day when her older brother Bart was tormenting her. He had stuffed wet toilet paper into her saxophone. When she tried to play it, no sound came out. Then she checked the tube and found the disgusting mess her brother left behind. When she complained, her brother said, "Hey Lisa, did you know that I used toilet water to wet the paper?" Lisa knew he was lying, but she cleaned her saxophone with rubbing alcohol just in case.  
  
Birds were chirping and butterflies were fluttering in the air. All very nice and relaxing compared to the stress Lisa had earlier in the day. The sun was warm, the air fresh, and all was quiet. Her eyes shot open when she heard little feet running on the green lawn. "What was that?", she thought.   
  
To her left stood a one-eared yellow rabbit wearing an orange jacket and a pair of puffy blue pantaloons. The jacket, with frills along the top and bottom, reminded Lisa of some rabbit from some Disney movie based on some book by some man named Carroll. In fact, the blue puffy pants, and the white Krusty the clown watch the little yellow rabbit was holding reminded her of something too.  
  
"Um, hi!", greeted Lisa. "Hmm... a rabbit in clothes with a pocket watch. You look so familiar, but I can't remember what you remind me of." Lisa inched closer to get a better look. It had big eyes, a small bunny-nose, small buck teeth, and a single left ear that stood up out of a head of spiky hair. It wiggled its nose.  
  
"Oh! That's so cute!" exclaimed Lisa. The rabbit smiled and wiggled its nose again.  
  
"I wonder who you belong to? You look absolutely adorable in that outfit!" giggled Lisa. "Wait a second, why are you yellow? And why does your smile remind me of Bart? I have a strange feeling you're up to no good."  
  
Suddenly, the yellow rabbit in orange turned around and ran away. Lisa got up and chased after it and yelled: "Wait! Where are you going? I'm not done examining you with my inquisitive nature!"  
  
Lisa chased after the orange-clad and blue bottomed animal as it streaked toward her family's garage. It dove under a pink car and disappeared. Lisa looked under her family's lavender vehicle, and saw nothing but the car's wheels, the underside of the car, and the black shadow cast on the driveway. "He's gone! I can't see him anywhere. But I didn't see him run out from under the car, so where could he have gone to?" Lisa looked around and saw a badly kept lawn, a garage full of old junk like empty paint cans and old issues of TV guide, a pile of used garden tools and her next-door neighbor mowing his greener and better kept lawn. Lisa turned toward her neighbor.  
  
"Hi! Have you seen a little yellow rabbit around anywhere?" asked Lisa.  
  
"Why no, Lisa. I haven't seen any rabbit-a-rinos around anywhere. It sure is a nice day today, isn't it? We should praise God for this glorious day, with the happy sunshine coming down on us and..."  
  
Lisa turned away before she had to hear more. "Um, thanks for the help! ...I have to get going now!"  
  
"Why, no problemo little Lisa. Feel free to talk with your neigborino Ned Flanders again. Old Neddie just loves questions."  
  
Lisa looked under the car again, but this time she crawled underneath to get a better look. When she got her knees under the car she lost her balance and fell flat on her face. Her hand had fallen into a hole. "Ow- hey, there's a hole here. What's a hole doing under Homer's car?" Lisa looked inside. It was too dark to even see the bottom, but Lisa noticed that it was just big enough for her to fit through.  
  
"I probably shouldn't go inside, who knows what could be down there." thought Lisa. She turned around to get out from under the car and began to overhear her next door neighbor talking to someone.  
  
"Oh, hi Todd! Where's your brother on this God-blessed day?" asked Ned Flanders.  
  
"He's inside reading the bible, he taught me a new song today dad"  
  
"Oh really? Let's hear it!"  
  
Todd began singing a very high-pitched and off-key song that made Lisa cringe. She turned around and covered her ears. As she tried to crawl away from the awful singing, she fell into the rabbit-hole under the pink car.  
  
A scream echoed in the deep, seemingly bottomless rabbit hole.   
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"   
  
Lisa did not know how long she fell, it could have been seconds, minutes, hours, or maybe almost an eternity, but when she finally stopped falling and landed on a pile of brown dirt, she kept screaming anyway.   
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"  
  
A voice in the darkness interrupted her. "Stop that wailing! What is wrong with you?!?"   
  
Lisa stopped screaming and looked up, all she saw was a tiny white dot directly above her, everything else was pitch black. "Who's there?" asked Lisa.  
  
A portable light, held up by a green tentacle, flicked on and Lisa saw two large, green, one-eyed creatures with domes over their heads and slimy green tentacles instead of bodies.  
  
"Who are you?" asked Lisa.  
  
One of the two stepped forward. "We are on our way to conquer Wonderla-" The other one interrupted the first, "Uh, excuse my comrade's manners. I am Kodos, and we are looking for... my lost dog. Have you... seen any lost dogs around here?"  
  
"Um, no. I'm Lisa. I was looking for a yellow rabbit. Have you seen it around anywhere?"  
  
The first one turned towards Kodos, "Looking for a lost 'dog'? What is a 'dog'? I thought we were looking for the secret entrance to the Red Queen's kingdom, so that our armada of intergalactic spaceships could-" Kodos slapped its comrade with a slimy tentacle and turned back toward Lisa. "Please excuse my comrade again. He forgot to take his medication today and he's under the delusion that he's a space alien bent on intergalactic and trans-fictional conquest. We saw a yellow rabbit run into the tunnel behind us a few minutes ago."   
  
"What is 'Trans-fictional conquest'? I have read some of the greatest works of fiction ever written, but I've never heard of that before." asked Lisa.  
  
The first one replied to Lisa's question: "Why, it is when characters and creations from one work of fiction invade and conquer something in another work of fiction. The concept is quite brilliant, why, Supreme Commander Kodos invented the term when he first used his mighty armada to-"  
  
Kodos slapped its comrade again and then turned toward Lisa. "I again apologize for my comrade's delusional comments, as I have stated earlier, you will find the yellow rabbit in the tunnel behind us, not in one of the other tunnels ahead of us and behind you, which may lead to... my pet dog."   
  
"Why would your dog be lost down here? And why do you look so..."  
  
"...Would ugly be the word you are thinking of, little... Lisa, was it?  
  
"No, no, of course not, Mr. Kodos. I was just meaning to say that I've never seen people who... look so good wearing glass domes."  
  
"Yes, we do look rather handsome in our shiny half-sphere capped cylinders of hard, transparent material."  
  
"You still haven't answered my question."  
  
"It is none of your concern, curious little girl. Now, we would love to continue this conversation, but we really must be on our way to find my lost... pet. As I have said earlier, the rabbit you are looking for went down the tunnel behind us.  
  
"Right behind you? Great! Thank you so much Mr. Kodos." Lisa walked down the tunnel behind them as she said goodbye, but then stopped after a few steps behind them.  
  
"What is it Lisa?", asked Kodos.   
  
"Um, could I borrow one of those portable lights? I left my flashlight at home.", asked Lisa.  
  
"Why, certainly... in fact, you can have one of my spare plartarkian illuminators as long as you promise not to tell anyone you saw us in these tunnels."   
  
Lisa walked in the dark tunnel holding Kodos's spare plartarkian illuminator. It glowed white like the fluorescent lighting at her elementary school, but felt cold to the touch. Lisa examined the light, "This thing is really weird, it doesn't have any openings for batteries, and... what kind of name is 'plartarkian illuminator'?" Lisa suddenly stopped walking when she saw a yellow, one-eared rabbit clad in blue and orange standing right in front of her, wiggling its nose. Again, it ran. And again Lisa chased after it. She ran after it for a few minutes, then she tripped on a rock and dropped her portable light. The tunnel went dark after the "plartarkian illuminator" fell on the ground. "Oh no! Where did that stupid thing g-" Lisa looked up and saw a dim light ahead. She ran toward it. 


	2. trapped

At the end of the dark tunnel was a small room with four dirt walls lit by a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling. A table with a small box lying on it was at the room's center, and a small, foot-and-a-half high door with a one-eared yellow rabbit standing in front of it was at the back of the room.  
  
"There you are!", exclaimed Lisa. The rabbit froze as Lisa walked toward it. It looked up as she got within arms reach of it, and just stared at her, wiggling its nose.  
  
"Oh, that's so cute! But you look so strange... why are you yellow? Why do you only have one ear... did Burn's nuclear plant mutate you like it mutated those three-eyed fish? And why are you holding a "Krusty the Klown" pocket watch?"  
  
The rabbit spoke no replies to Lisa's questions. Instead it quickly turned around, opened the door and hopped through. The door slammed shut and the sound of a lock turning squeaked through the solid mass of the door. Lisa struggled to open the door, but it was sealed tight. She heard faint laughter from behind the door.  
  
"That rabbit is laughing at me! Oh, I knew you were up to no good! You were using my curiosity to play with me, weren't you?!?"  
  
More laughter from behind the door was all Lisa heard in reply. "Well, I don't have to play your little game anymore, I'm going back home!" Lisa turned around, and saw a solid wall where there used to be a door. Her jaw dropped as she stared in horror.  
  
"I'm... I'm trapped! How am I going to get back home? There must be a logical explanation for why the door disappeared."  
  
Lisa searched the wall for a way out. She tried digging into the dirt of the wall, but it was too tightly packed for her small fingers to get into it. Then she tried digging at the floor under the base of the wall. But it also, was too tightly packed to dig through. With brown-stained fingertips, Lisa sat with her back against the wall and sighed. She looked up and saw a small box on the table, her eyes lit up.  
  
"Maybe there's something I can use in that box!" Lisa went to the center of the room and picked up the thing on the table. It was the size of a shoe box and seemed to be made of some sort of wood. Lisa noticed words with an arrow underneath them that was pointing to one end of the rectangular box. Underneath the words "Emergency Door Opener", clearly printed on the box's surface, was the word, "OPEN", in very large lettering, followed by a large arrow pointing toward one end of the box. Lisa tried to open the end of the box the arrow was pointed to, but could not find anything to open.  
  
"It says to open here, but there's nothing to open! Wait, this must be some sort of puzzle, like a Rubic's cube... hmm... there seems to be some fine print in between the word 'open' and the arrow pointing down." Lisa looked very closely, and surely enough, there was very clearly printed and tiny lettering between the word "Open" and the arrow that read: "somewhere else".  
  
"So all together it should read 'Emergency Door Opener, OPEN somewhere else'? Arggh!" groaned an enraged Lisa Simpson. The box was hurled to the floor. Lisa stood simmering with frustration as she stared at the box on the floor. She was much too angry to notice, but a low buzzing sound began to hover around her head.  
  
A high pitched, yet masculine voice spoke to Lisa, "Ola Senorita! Do you need help?"  
  
Lisa looked around the room and saw no one, until she looked up and saw a small yellow and black dot flying in circles over her head. "A talking bee! This is incredible! But... it's a scientific impossibility, how can you talk? ...Wait, did you said you could help me?"  
  
"Si, chiquilla. I am senoir Bombus Monticola, messenger of the great Red Queen herself!"  
  
"Oh, hello! My name is Lisa."  
  
"A bello nombre para one who is such a bella sombra de amarillo."  
  
"Isn't 'bombus monticola' a species of bumblebee?"  
  
"Si! Not only are you very beautiful, but you are also very very smart."  
  
"Um, thanks. You said you can help me?"  
  
"Si, senorita! I saw you try to open the little box, para favor, un momento."  
  
The small bee flew over to the box, it landed on the small lettering that read "somewhere else" and the end of the box that the arrow pointed to clicked open. Lisa picked up the box and found a small glass hammer inside. "What do I do with this?" asked Lisa.  
  
"You use it to open the door, of course." replied the bee.  
  
"Thank you so much, how can I repay you?"  
  
"Well, I was thinking, maybe you have free time later tonight for... dinner? I know this bueno restaurante near her majesty's bilberry bush gardens."  
  
"What?", replied a surprised Lisa.  
  
"By the look on your face, you don't want us to get to know each other better?"  
  
"I'm sorry, but-"  
  
"Oh, it's because of mi nalga grande, isn't it? The female bumblebees are always saying mi nalga is too big for my body, and I always tell them all the male bees are like that, but they always say my yellow and black striped behind is too big anyway! Or maybe you do not like bees who hable en espanol. Perhaps you would like me best if I spoke en francais instead? Mademoisselle Lisa, vous etes tre-"  
  
"No, no. None of those reasons are why I can't go out with you. It might be interesting, I've never heard of a person going out with a bumblebee before. But I'm too young to go out on dates anyway."  
  
"Really? How old are you, little bonita chiquilla?  
  
"I am eight years old."  
  
"Eight years old?!? You are four times older than me! Hmm... maybe you are a little too old for me..."  
  
"What?!? Now just because you find out I'm older than you are, you don't find me attractive anymore?"  
  
"No, you still look very very bella, it is just that I have never dated anybody so much older than me."  
  
"Oh, okay. Um, sorry."  
  
"It is okay, my heart will mend itself, just like it mends itself after every time somebody tells me my yellow and black behind is too big for my body."  
  
"So, how do I use this hammer? Do I just bang on the wall over there so that the doorway will come back?"  
  
"Why would you want to do that?"  
  
"How else am I going to get back home? I'm given up on catching that one-eared rabbit, I'm not falling for his tricks again."  
  
"Oh, the hammer is for the door the Yellow Jester went into. As for the door you came in through... it's not coming back."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"It decided to take a vacation, it's been on duty without a break for a very long time now."  
  
"What?!? Doors can't go on vacation, that's crazy! How else can I go back home then? Can you call it back for just a minute so I can go back through?"  
  
"Why no, little chiquilla, according to union rules, it can't come back from vacation until its replacement is done with its shift."  
  
"When will the replacement get here?"  
  
"Oh, the replacement is somewhere else, the door you came in through always leads to the tunnels you walked through, but the replacement doesn't like working here, so it is somewhere else right now."  
  
"So... where is the replacement at?" asked Lisa.  
  
"Well, I know it is somewhere behind the little door the Yellow Jester went through, where exactly, I don't know."  
  
"I have to go through that little door to find the way home?"  
  
"Si. On the other side, you can ask his majesty, White Rabbit, for help finding the doorway home."  
  
Lisa sighed, and walked up to the small door with the glass hammer. Senoir Bombus Monticola flew next to her and landed on her shoulder. "So, how do I use this thing?" asked Lisa.  
  
"Just tap three times, senorita."   
  
Lisa tapped on the door three times, but nothing happened.   
  
"I meant the wall around the door, tonta. Tap the wall three times and the door will open."  
  
With the glass hammer in hand, Lisa tapped the wall three times. For a moment, nothing happened. Then the wall began to tremble. A cracking sound groaned from the wall and the dirt that the wall was made of came apart. A pile of dirt and a cloud of dust came down on Lisa as she fell over. Everything went black.  
  
"I wasn't expecting that", said Lisa as she got up out of the pile of dirt. Pieces of plaster wall mingled with brown dirt, was splattered over the floor all around her. On the other side of the door was some sort of plaster wall, and it fell down with the brown dirt wall surrounding the door. Lisa looked up and saw sunlight shining down from behind a canopy of trees. Before her was a pathway into a forest full of mushrooms growing at the roots of massive trees. Lisa looked down, and found the small rabbit-door was still standing. With the sound of a click, the door gently swung open on its own.  
  
"That's a lot of help. With the wall down I can just walk around it. Senior Bombus Monticola, why didn't you tell me this would hap-"  
  
Lisa rushed to the pile of plaster debris. The little bee who helped her earlier was lying on top of the pile, motionless. She tried to wake up the little bee, but he would not move. Gently nudging him with her finger did not wake him. Poking him with a stick did not help. Telling him she would go out with him for dinner did nothing either.  
  
"Oh my God. I feel so sorry. He helped me out, and I accidentally killed him with this little glass hammer... Could I get in trouble for accidentally killing him? He said he was the messenger for some queen."  
  
Carefully looking around, Lisa checked for witnesses. No one else was there, but she heard singing from deep in the forest that lay in front of her. Lisa hesitantly stepped forward onto the forest pathway speckled with patches of sunlight. All was silent except for the rustling of leaves and the sounds of her footsteps, the singing was the only sound in the forest. The singing became clearer as she passed by rows of trees with patches of large mushrooms at their bases. She could not make out the words, but it was obviously an operatic melody sung with a deep, bass-like voice. At the end of the trail were thick-trunked trees, spaced a few feet apart, with a mysterious light from behind them. Lisa tiptoed up to the pathway's end and took a peek at what was behind the line of trees. 


	3. what is that sound?

Standing on top of a mushroom the size of a car, was a man-sized, pot-bellied butterfly with a human face colored a dark shade of blue. Its orange-brown wings, which stood up straight but sagged at the tips, fluttered in rhythm with its song as it rose and fell in melody. In its left hand, the butterfly held a tube connected to a ring of brown barrels which surrounded its large, automobile-sized mushroom. The butterfly was singing from a scroll it was holding in its right hand. The blue-faced butterfly's song enchanted Lisa's ears, and calmed her mind, which was just moments ago, full of worry.   
  
The singing stopped when the butterfly put the tube to its mouth. A light-brown, bubble filled fluid suddenly raced out from one of the barrels and through the tube before being sucked into the butterfly's mouth. It then looked toward a row of trees and saw a little girl in an orange dress, watching from behind them. The butterfly drunkenly greeted Lisa, "Hey, how's it goin'?"  
  
Upon the greeting, the butterfly suddenly burped as a bubble erupted out of its mouth. The bubble floated up as a small dot the size of a fly but quickly grew as big as a watermelon. There were words inside the bubble that read: "Salutations young lady. How do you do on this fine day?" After Lisa managed to read the message encased in the beer bubble, it suddenly popped. Lisa found what the butterfly did to be very strange, but with her curiosity pushing her forward, she stepped closer to the blue-faced insect.  
  
"Hi! I'm Lisa. Lisa Simpson. I'm doing just fine, thank you. That thing you did with the bubble was very neat, Mr...?"  
  
"Oh... thank you, my name is-" The butterfly's drunken reply was suddenly interrupted with a burp that came with another word-filled beer bubble which read: "Well, thank you very much. My name is Barney G. Butterfly, and it is a pleasure to meet you, young miss Simpson."  
  
"It is a pleasure to meet you too! Your singing is absolutely beautiful, what were you singing?"  
  
"Oh, thank you little lady I-" Again, the drunken butterfly's reply was interrupted with a burp followed with a word-filled bubble, which read: "It was an old nursery rhyme my now dearly departed grandmother used to sing for me when I was a budding caterpillar."  
  
"An old nursery rhyme? Could you tell me what it was about? The song sounded great, but I had trouble understanding the words."  
  
Barney chuckled and then burped again. "Why, I'd be honored to tell you what it was about. It is in butterflynese, so humans have a hard time understanding it, but it tells of a great, great story."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah, they even made an Opera about it for the King of-" Yet again, Barney burped and made another word-filled bubble: "The nursery rhyme version was made into a grand Opera that was performed before and greatly loved by all the noble aristocracy of the great Butterfly Sovereignty. I was vocalizing the role of the narrator when you came upon me. It is considered to be one of the most sophisticated of tales full of drama, romance, intelligent observations on the nature of life itself, and is considered one of the greatest stories ever told. Why, all the greatest scholars of our time have the original nursery rhyme memorized by heart."  
  
The beer bubble, overloaded with words ballooned to the size of a cow and made a loud popping sound as it suddenly disappeared. Lisa still wanted to know more. "So, what was the story about?"  
  
"Oh, the story? It was about the time Tiger Tycoon Tom was wrestling with Daly City Dan for the world championship. When the referee started the match, Triple T attacked DCD with a triple flip spinning hurricane piledriver. Triple T went for the pin, but DCD got his shoulder up and fought back with his 650 Manilla Drop. Then Jolly Jerry Bumblebee Clement Street Gorbachov tried to interfere, but then Triple T's best friend in the whole wide world, Bam Bam Big Boo Boo Bungalow Loo Kuei Valencia Shimada Popeye Ryu Ken Scorpion Ahura Baal Zulustein stopped him, and then-" Before another bubble burped out, Lisa interrupted Barney.  
  
"Wait, so the nursery rhyme and opera are about a pro-wrestling match?"  
  
"Yeah! And then after Triple T's best friend and Jolly Jerry Bumblebee Clement Street Gorbachov were dragged out of the arena by the security guar-" Barney was yet again interrupted by a burp followed by a bubble which read: "After the comrades were spirited away, only the two long-time foes remained to do battle. At first, it was like two great bulls of evenly-matched strength and stamina pushing against one another, with neither giving ground nor losing it. Finally, Daniel from the borough of Daly, cracked the metaphorical claws of his Tiger-dubbed foe, and unleashed a hailstorm of furious attacks which pummeled his archenemy to the ground. On the blood-splattered white canvas of the square ring, they-" Before the bubble grew to the size of a house, Lisa popped it with a stick from the forest floor.   
  
"Um, I just remembered I have to do something, could you just tell me how it ended?"  
  
"Oh sure. It ended after Daly City Dan stacked up five tables together and lit them up with-" Once again, the butterfly, Barney interrupted himself with a belch and a bubble which read: "And so, five wooden platforms were stacked atop one another and were all lit aflame. Daniel from the province of Daly, prepared to defeat the foe who wooed away his one true love, Madeline the Magnificent. Volatile emotions which had twisted and churned within Daniel of Daly's young, noble heart, pushed him to further brutalize his object of hatred by deciding to drive the motionless but still breathing body of his enemy through all five of the flaming platforms. Daniel hoisted his enemy's limp body over his mighty shoulders as he climbed atop one of the battleground's four pillars and turned to face the five flaming-" Again, Lisa popped the bubble before it grew any bigger.  
  
"So, Dan beat Tom?"  
  
"Yeah, but this is my favorite part where Daly City Dan puts Triple T through five burning tables, it's Mr. Bumblebee's favorite part too and-"  
  
"Wait, did you say Mr. Bumblebee? As in Senior Bombus Monticola, the bumblebee?"  
  
"Hey, yeah! You know Mr. Bumblebee to-" He belched out another interrupting bubble with words in it: "So you are familiar with the Queen's favored messenger, Senior Bombus Monticola. He is a dear friend to me and everyone else in the White Rabbit's domain. Senior Bombus Monticola is quite popular, he is usually invited to all the best parties."  
  
"Really? I had just met him earlier... um, do you know where I can find the White Rabbit? Senior Bumblebee told me the White Rabbit can help me find my way home."  
  
"You want to see his majesty? Oh, just go-" Another belch and another word-filled balloon interrupted Barney G. Butterfly in mid-sentence yet again: "If you wish to grace his majesty's presence, simply follow the road to the right of me until you find some stairs. From there go up and take a left at the first intersection. Walk straight and you will eventually find yourself in the Red Queen's garden, from there ask one of the guards for directions to the king's court."  
  
"Oh! Thank you so much! It's been really great to meet you, but I have to get going now."  
  
"Come back again soon, nice to meet you to-" Barney G. Butterfly, not surprisingly, burped again. "Farewell, little Lisa, it has been my pleasure to meet you. May we meet again."  
  
Lisa waved goodbye to the blue butterfly with orange-brown wings and went down the path as instructed. As she walked along the road in the forest, Barney began to sing again, and the further she walked, the fainter his singing became. Less and less sunlight speckled the forest floor the further she went. There were fewer and fewer mushrooms at the bases of the forest trees as well, but the sounds of insects chirping and birds singing increased. Lisa followed Barney's directions exactly, and after making a turn around some trees, she saw a squirrel running along the ground, and then she looked up. 


	4. you want me to drink what?

Few words could have adequately described the beauty of the castle that lay before her. It was made of beautifully colored stone spires and was decorated with barely visible ornate sculptures. Massive white and red flags, attached to the tops of the beautiful towers, billowed in the wind. Surrounding the castle was a massive field of green, speckled with patches of red flowers. Lisa looked down again and found a gray pathway of stone at her feet, it led down through the field of green. She walked down and as she got closer to the castle, saw strange looking people working in the green garden. From far away, they looked like rectangles with arms and legs attached to their sides. On closer inspection, Lisa realized that the people working in the garden were actually giant playing cards with hands, arms, legs and feet. Their heads were flat two-dimensional moving images on the front sides of their flat bodies.  
  
At the end of the pathway was a gate leading to the castle. A pair of large-nosed, short men wearing red cup-like hats on their heads seemed to be guarding the gate. They had heads too big for their bodies and both held spears as they stood watch over the locked gate leading to the castle. Lisa decided to ask them for directions to the castle. They made no reaction to her as she approached.   
  
"Hi there! Could one of you please tell me where I can find the White Rabbit?" asked Lisa.  
  
The two Fez-topped guards looked at her with blank stares, saying nothing.  
  
"Um, I'm sorry. Was I interrupting the two of you with something?"  
  
The two guards looked at each other.  
  
"I really need to find the White Rabbit. Could either of you help me?"  
  
The two guards looked at each other and stared intently into each other's eyes.  
  
"Okay. I'll ask someone else for help, nice to... meet you... I think."  
  
When Lisa turned away from them, one of them shoved the other to the ground and began beating his comrade with the blunt end of his spear. The downed comrade fought back with the blunt end of his spear and the two exchanged blows while Lisa looked for someone else to help her. She went back the way she came and then into the massive garden tended to by the oversized playing cards. A worker was trimming hedges with large purple scissors with the words, "Crayola's Kids", on the side of it, when he turned around and saw her.  
  
"Excuse me, but could you tell me where I can find the White Rabbit?"  
  
The worker turned toward Lisa, then looked to its left, its right, then behind it. A giant eight with a spade symbol was on its front face in three places, in two corners of its rectangular body and on its center. When it turned around, Lisa realized that on the worker's back was a picture of a single-eared White Rabbit with a queen sitting on its lap. The worker, after realizing it was all alone, looked toward Lisa.  
  
"Are you talking to me?" He asked in a voice almost low enough to be a whisper.  
  
"Um, yes." Lisa replied.  
  
He stepped closer to Lisa and whispered to her, "He's somewhere in the garden with her grand royal majesty, the almighty Red Queen. I don't know where they are exactly, but I'm pretty sure they're not in the bilberry bush gardens."  
  
"Could you tell me who would know where the White Rabbit is?"  
  
"Mad Monty and his two chums might know, they're having a brunch break somewhere around the back of the castle," whispered the worker.  
  
"Around the back of the castle? Thanks!"   
  
"No problem.", replied the worker as Lisa walked away.  
  
After taking a few steps, Lisa turned back around and asked the worker another question. "Um, I was wondering... why were you whispering?"  
  
"Oh, if I'm caught talking too loud, her majesty will cut off my head," whispered the worker in reply.  
  
Lisa decided to find the White Rabbit before she had to deal with the Red Queen. If beheading was punishment for talking too loud, she did not want to be around to find out what the punishment for accidentally killing her majesty's messenger would be. Lisa waved goodbye to the Eight of Spades and went back up the stony pathway. She went around to the back of the castle just like the worker told her to. Behind the castle, she found a massive grove of trees, and a little dirt trail that ran through it. Lisa walked on the trail and after passing a few dozen trees, she heard people talking. Following the voices, Lisa walked off the trail and past another dozen trees before seeing a long rectangular table with an old man sitting at one end. Glasses of liquid and plates of food were set on the old man's side of the table. Lisa approached the table and the old man.  
  
Sitting in a lacquered wooden chair decorated with images of rabbits was an old man in a long gray jacket. His well-combed light-gray hair showed from under a dark-gray top hat. A long, almost hooked, vulture-like nose and hunched-over posture drew attention from his thin body. The old man, using a long thick straw, drank from a glass of dark liquid that rested on the table. Lisa looked at the plates of food on the table, noting that most of it was still uneaten.   
  
"Excuse me, but could you-" said Lisa before she was interrupted by the old man, in mid-sentence.  
  
"Oh my! A little girl! Would you join me for some brunch? My tapioca ball milk tea is quite good today, and I would not mind the company."  
  
"Tapioca ball what?"  
  
"Yes, precious pearls in milk tea, quite good!" the old man cheerfully declared.  
  
"Um, sorry, but I really must find-"  
  
"Or maybe you'd like some pancakes! Also quite good, jolly good!"  
  
"No thank you, what I would like though, is-"  
  
The old man suddenly got out of his chair, then grabbed Lisa and tossed her into his seat. Lisa was surprised that a man with such thin arms was able to lift her up so easily, but he did and he proceeded to tell her about how great tapioca ball milk tea was. He continued to interrupt her before she could ask who he was and where she could find the White Rabbit while he tried to convince her to try some tapioca ball milk tea. Lisa began to feel quite frustrated with the crazy old man and was about to scream until she saw a frog and a toad hop on the table behind the plates of food.  
  
"Good to see you Mad Monty!" greeted the frog.  
  
"Good to see you Mad Monty!" greeted the toad.  
  
"Oh, my two chums, Mr. Smih and Mr. Thurs! You're back from your bathroom breaks! Say a hoy hoy to this little girl I met." replied the old man as he pointed to Lisa.  
  
"A hoy hoy little girl!" the two animals simultaneously greeted.  
  
The two small, talking, green amphibians both had brown spots just over their mouths and had large cheery eyes. They sat behind plates of pancakes, basmati rice balls, fried chicken, yogurt covered pretzels, piroshkis, barbecue pork buns and deep-fried ice cream. Looking at all the food did make her feel hungry, but she wanted to get home more than she wanted to eat, listen to insects sing about pro-wrestling matches, flirt with large-bottomed bumblebees or chase after yellow rabbits that reminded her of her brother.   
  
"You are looking good today Mad Monty!" declared the green frog.  
  
"Yes, very very nice. Is that a new top hat? It looks great!" complimented the green toad.  
  
"The food you made smells great, Monty!" said the frog.  
  
"We love complimenting you Monty!" declared the toad.  
  
"Yes, yes the two of you just love to-"  
  
Lisa suddenly interrupted the old man called Mad Monty, "Excuse me, but I need to find-"  
  
Mad Monty interrupted Lisa and very angrily shouted, "Now that was uncalled for! I was in the middle of a sentence while my two brown-nosed chums heaped on my much needed ego-boosting compliments for my day. Don't you realize how rude it is to interrupt people? What is wrong with you? Did your parents did not teach you proper man-"  
  
Lisa suddenly interrupted him again, "Rude to interrupt? You have been interrupting my every sentence since I've met you, and-"  
  
"No I did not." declared the old man.  
  
"Look you just did it again! Why don't you let me finish-"  
  
"No, I interrupted every sentence except for the one where you asked what tapioca ball milk tea was, little girl." interrupted Mad Monty.  
  
"Why don't you let me finish my sentences? And stop calling me little girl! My name is Lisa Simpson and I don't want to try tapioca milk whatever and I don't want to-"  
  
"You don't want to try precious pearls in milk tea? But it's the hippest and trendiest drink around. All the cool people drink it all the time. My two brown-nosed chums Mr. Smih the frog and Mr.Thurs the toad even said so, and they have great taste!"  
  
"Arggh! I hate this place! First the stupid yellow rabbit tricked me into following him and then-"  
  
"What? Did you say yellow rabbit? Mayhap you mean the Yellow Jester? The White Rabbit's court jester?" asked Mad Monty.  
  
"Yes! He tricked me into following him here, and I need to find the doorway home! Mr. Bumblebee said I have to ask the White Rab-"  
  
"Woah, woah, woah, woah. I didn't ask you for your life story. I don't care about your petty problems. I only care about forcing people to drink milk tea with dragon pearls and eat brunch with me while my two brown-nosed chums verbally kiss my ass. I only asked if you meant the Yellow Jester because he's sitting right next to you."  
  
Lisa looked down from Mad Monty to the ground at her right, but saw nothing.  
  
"Your left side, not your right side, you rude little girl." said Mad Monty.  
  
She looked to her left and saw a yellow, one-eared rabbit wearing an orange jacket with frills and a pair of puffy blue pants. The Yellow Jester wiggled its nose and chuckled. With the speed of lightning, Lisa's arms shot out at the rabbit and her small fingers quickly wrapped around its small throat. With a quick outburst of uncontrolled anger she yelled out, "Why you little-"  
  
Mad Monty and his two friends tried to separate Lisa's fingers from the rabbit's throat as the small rabbit gagged from the choke-hold of an enraged young lady. After much struggle, the old man and his friends separated the two. They held back Lisa as she tried to get a hold of the rabbit again. Lisa struggled to break free, but then she suddenly stopped and looked down at the small rabbit with a look of horror.  
  
"I just- I just- What came over me? I've always loved and respected animals. I even became a vegetarian because I love them so much and here I am choking one out of rage. Why am I- What-"  
  
"Yes, yes, you are a horrible little girl. Now why don't you calm down and drink some tapioca ball milk tea," suggested Mad Monty.  
  
"No, no, I'm usually a very good girl, not a horrible one. I usually stand up for small animals like that rabbit over there," said Lisa as the Yellow Jester wiggled its nose.  
  
"I stand up for the environment and speak out against injustices," continued Lisa. "It's this weird place! That must be it! All I wanted to do was go home, it's so frustrating to come across strange obstacle after strange obstacle. I'll admit some of the people here are very nice. Strange, but nice. Even with all the nice things here, this place is driving me crazy! I want to go home!"  
  
"Yes, yes, you get to have permission to be a horrible little girl because of your fascinating, as in boring, sob story. Now why don't you let me, Mad Monty help do away with your troubles with a nice glass of-"  
  
This time no one interrupted Mad Monty, it was the sound of a horn blown by a giant turtle that interrupted him this time. The Yellow Jester, Mad Monty, and the two amphibians, Mr. Smih and Mr. Thurs, quickly kneeled at something behind Lisa. She turned around and saw a large red box on top of the shell of a massive turtle. The large turtle held a horn in its mouth as it walked to the table. Half a dozen giant playing cards, like the ones working in the garden, carrying spears, walked alongside it. The turtle stopped in front of the table as a set of stairs rolled out from the large red box. A fat woman in a red dress and a human-sized, bipedal, one-eared white rabbit stepped out of the box. The guards kneeled as the two stepped out. Mad Monty, while still kneeling, looked up and noticed Lisa was still standing.  
  
Mad Monty whispered to Lisa, "What are doing? Do you want to lose your head? Get down and kneel."   
  
Lisa did as she was suggested and quickly kneeled along with everyone else. A yellow rabbit wearing elegantly decorated robes, ran out from behind the big dark green turtle. He was one-eared, with brown hair on its head and around its mouth. As he stood upright, he put on glasses, pulled out a scroll and shouted out, "All hail his majesty the White Rabbit, and his Queen, the Red Queen! All hail now!" 


	5. it's the red queen!

Everyone except for Lisa, the White Rabbit and the Red Queen shouted out, "Hail White Rabbit! Hail King Bongomus, the great White Rabbit!"  
  
The White Rabbit smiled as everyone except for Lisa, the White Rabbit and the Red Queen continued, "Hail the Red Queen! Widow of the formerly great Red King whom the King Bongomus justly slain! Hail the queen!"  
  
The Red Queen smiled and looked adoringly at the White Rabbit while the hailing continued, "Hail our king and queen! Praise the day when our royal highnesses married! A curse and a pox on the grave of the old Red King who, when alive, disapproved of the hot, steamy, soap-opera style adulterous affair between the Red Queen and mighty Bongomus, the rabbit with-"  
  
A frown on the White Rabbit's face stopped the small crowd from continuing. The yellow rabbit with brown hair and glasses shouted out, "Now all may rise knowing our great king has been properly hailed!"  
  
The Red Queen looked angrily at the rabbit with glasses. After realizing no one was rising and that the Red queen was giving him a bad stare, he shouted out again, "Now all may rise knowing our great king, and his majestic queen has been properly hailed... All hail king and queen! Long may they live, and long may we keep our heads to serve them."  
  
After hailing the queen and king once more, everyone stood up while the two royal highnesses stepped down to the ground. Mad Monty rushed up to the Red Queen's side.  
  
"Ah, greetings our most wonderful queen! You look absolutely beautiful today. And your highness, mighty White Rabbit, how do you do?" enthusiastically asked the old man Mad Monty.  
  
"Oh, why thank you. You always have the most genuine sounding fake compliments" said the Red Queen, while King Bongomus silently nodded.  
  
"Would you like some dragon pearls in milk tea, madam? I made it myself," offered Mad Monty.  
  
"Why yes! Thank you! You have strange tastes in food, but you make wonderful tapioca ball milk teas!" replied the queen as Mad Monty handed her a glass of dark liquid.  
  
Lisa approached the king as the Red Queen and Mad Monty made small talk. "Um, excuse me?" asked Lisa.  
  
The king turned toward her, as she explained her problem and asked for help with finding the doorway home. When she finished explaining, the White Rabbit stood silently looking downward, seemingly deep in thought. He looked back up at Lisa and opened his mouth, but before any sound came out, the sound of something in the sky caught his attention. The sound of wings flapping filled the air as everyone looked up and saw a blue butterfly drunkenly landing on the ground.  
  
"Hey everybody, I'm here for the poker game now-" said the butterfly before burping and creating a belch bubble which had the words, "Salutations friends and compatriots, I do believe it is time for our weekly and sometimes daily poker game," inside of it.  
  
The Red Queen sat up from Mad Monty's chair and exclaimed, "But it is not time for poker now, it is time for drinking delicious milk teas."  
  
The Yellow Jester reached into his orange jacket and pulled out a white pocket watch shaped like a clown's head. The watch began to shake and it made laughing noises which made the Yellow Jester excitedly jump up and down. Everyone looked over at him and then suddenly stood up straight with anxiety.  
  
"Oh my goodness me! It is time for poker!" exclaimed Mad Monty.  
  
"Prepare the men, call out the prince, the princess and the Hanz brothers right away!" screeched the Red Queen.  
  
All the playing card men began frantically running around and the giant turtle blew on its horn non-stop for about half a minute. Lisa held her hands to her ears as Mad Monty and the rabbit in robes ran off out of Lisa's sight. After the horn stopped blowing, the playing card guards and Barney the Butterfly began to pull out wooden boards from the back of the box on top of the turtle. A seemingly endless stream of boards were pulled out as they were laid out flat on the ground. The trees surrounding the crowd of busy people quickly and suddenly sank completely into the ground, leaving a large flat area of grass. Lisa stepped back and realized that the boards were being stacked alongside one another until they filled up the space left by the trees, forming a massive square which measured about thirty feet on each side. After the square was assembled, more playing card people began to arrive. They lined up in rows and started to divide themselves into groups of clubs, hearts, spades and diamonds.  
  
During the busy preparations, the Red Queen was sitting at the food table eating from a plate of deep-fried ice cream. She turned toward the group of playing cards and yelled out, "Most of the peasants are here, but where are the royals? Get the royals out here, we can't have a game without them!"  
  
Mad Monty and the brown bearded rabbit in robes returned with a line of playing card people running behind them. They lined up in front of the queen while three king cards and the Jack of hearts separated from the group to speak with the queen.  
  
"The royal spades, reporting for duty!" proclaimed the King of Spades.  
  
"The royal clubs, here for a good game of poker, your royalness!" proclaimed the King of Clubs.  
  
"Good to see you again, we diamonds are ready to go!" proclaimed the King of Diamonds.  
  
"I'm ready to go and the Jester card will be here shortly. He's taking a break in the water closet." said the Jack of Hearts.  
  
"Good, good. Oh, Jack, the two royal hearts stand-ins will be here shortly. They're always late, you know how children are. All right everybody, go join the other cards." said the queen.  
  
Lisa then realized that the king and queen of hearts were missing from the group. Every other kind of playing card, even the joker card who arrived just after the royal cards joined with the others, was there except for them.  
  
"Royal scribe Matthew, prepare the cards for shuffling!" screeched the Red Queen.  
  
The rabbit with glasses rushed up to the mass of cards gathered near the giant turtle. A pair of playing card people, half the size of the others arrived at the food table and excitedly ran up to Red Queen.  
  
"We're here! We're here!" exclaimed the two small cards.  
  
Lisa looked more closely at the two smaller cards and realized that they were children. One, a young girl, and the other a young boy, both had the letter "P" with a heart symbol next to it on their chests.  
  
"We get to be king and queen for a day again? Right? Right?" the little cards excitedly exclaimed.  
  
"Yes, yes, now-" the Red Queen pulled out a pair of red pills for a pocket on her dress. "-Now, each of you eat one of these just like last time and every time we let you two be king and queen for the day."  
  
Both of the smaller cards each ate a pill, and suddenly a poof of smoke enveloped both of them. When the smoke cleared, a King and Queen of Hearts cards with limbs on their sides and corners appeared.  
  
"Now go join the others." said the Red Queen.  
  
"Yay!" the two cards loudly exclaimed as they ran off to join the other cards.  
  
After a quick count to make sure every card was there, King Bongomus, the Red Queen, Mad Monty, the Yellow Jester, the Royal Scribe Matthew, and Barney the Butterfly gathered together near the food table.  
  
"Okay now, we have four spaces for players and we have to decide if we'll let the Joker in for Joker's wild." said Matthew, the rabbit with a brown beard.  
  
"The Joker's always giggling and giving himself away, tell him to come here to keep me company. I won't be playing today, I haven't finished my deep-fried ice cream yet." declared the Queen.  
  
The White Rabbit whispered into the Red Queen's ear. She listened intently for a moment, then turned to everyone and said, "His highness is not in the mood to play today, he wishes to allow that strange looking little girl over there to play in his place instead."  
  
Mad Monty turned to Lisa and called her over to the food table. She was busy watching the card people organize themselves, and did not hear what the others were talking about. Lisa heard him calling for her, and she rushed right over.  
  
"Ah, little girl, you get to play poker today," said Mad Monty.  
  
The Yellow Jester wiggled its nose and frowned while King Bongomus whispered into the Red Queen's ear.  
  
"Play poker? But I want to go home!" cried Lisa.  
  
"His highness says that after you play a game of poker, he will help you find your way home. He insists on you having some sort of fun after the terrible day you have gone through," said the Red Queen.  
  
"Really?" asked Lisa.  
  
"Yes, after you told him your story, he took pity on you and decided you should play and then leave here having a good time," replied the queen.  
  
"Oh, thank you so much! I'm so glad I found you! You were able to help me just like Senoir Bombus Monticola said you-"  
  
Barney the Butterfly interrupted Lisa with a question: "Hey, where did Mr. Bumblebee go? Usually he should be here by now."  
  
"Yes," said Mad Monty, "He always shows up for the poker games, where is he? The young chap should have already heard the horn call."  
  
"Maybe he's chasing a female bumblebee." suggested Mr. Smih the frog, who suddenly hopped on the food table.  
  
"Yes, he always loves chasing after the attractive young females." said Mr. Thurs the toad, who was sitting on the ground listening in.  
  
"Maybe, but it is rather strange," said the Red Queen, "Little girl, when did you see my royal messenger last?"  
  
"Oh, I-um, well you see- I-"  
  
"Well?" asked the queen.  
  
"I last saw him after I got here and just before I met Barney. I think he said something about taking a nap," replied Lisa.  
  
"Oh good, then there is nothing to worry about," said the Red Queen in a cheerful tone of voice, "...Because if anything ever happened to my favorite little guy, HEADS WILL ROLL!!!"  
  
Her highness's last outrage of extreme anger made everybody's hair stand up straight. The White Rabbit looked at the queen and frowned.  
  
"Oh cotton-bottom, I'm sorry. I just broke my promise about losing my temper," said the queen as she looked at King Bongomus apologetically, "I know you don't like seeing people lose their heads or see me angry, I'll try to keep it under control my little snookie-woo."  
  
The queen hugged the White rabbit as his face turned pink. He whispered something into the queen's ear.  
  
"What? Don't call you those names outside the bedroom? Oh, I'm sorry! I forgot!" said the Red Queen.  
  
The sound of small, heavy feet pounding on soft grass echoed in the distance. Lisa looked over to the source of the sound and saw a pair of giant hands with giant eyes on the back of them and with feet and legs where their wrists should be, running up to the giant square made up of wooden boards.  
  
"The Hanz brothers! Good, they're here! Who wants to be dealer?" asked the queen.  
  
The Yellow Jester jumped up and down.  
  
"Yellow Jester, you will be the dealer today. Since our majesties are not playing, and I have chosen the dealer, the rest of you decide amongst yourselves who will-"  
  
King Bongomus interrupted the queen with whispers into her ear.  
  
"Oh, yes, I almost forgot, the little girl will get to play. There are two places left, decide amongst yourselves who else will play."  
  
"The scribe Matthew has important duties to attend to, I will not play today," said the rabbit in robes as he began to eat some barbecue pork buns.  
  
"Mad Monty, go join in!" said Mr. Smih.  
  
"You are a very good player, yes go join in Mad Monty!" said Mr. Thurs.  
  
"Capital idea. my brown-nosed chums. Capital indeed! Me and Mr. Butterfly can go play, what do you say old friend? Not too tipsy for a game of poker I hope." said the old man.  
  
"I was hoping to play with Mr. Bumblebee, but okay." drunkenly said Barney.  
  
Barney, Mad Monty, Lisa, and the Yellow Jester each stood in front of a side of the massive thirty-foot wide square. The Joker card was giggling uncontrollable at the food table while The Red Queen ate deep fried ice cream. The White Rabbit drank tapioca ball milk tea while the Matthew, the Royal Scribe was busy eating barbecue pork buns. The playing card people piled themselves into a stack of face down cards in front of the Yellow Jester while the giant hands stood at the small yellow rabbit's sides.  
  
"Shuffle the cards already! I have to get back to making people drink my milk tea!" exclaimed Mad Monty, who anxiously looked at King Bongomus drinking from a glass of dark liquid with a thick straw.  
  
"Shuffle them!" cried Mr. Smih, who was sitting next to Mad Monty's right side.  
  
"Shuffle them now!" yelled out Mr. Thurs, who sat next to Mad Monty's left side.  
  
The Yellow Jester raised his hands and the two giant hands stood at attention. The yellow rabbit pointed toward the stack of cards in front of him, and the two giant hands grabbed hold of the deck and began to shuffle the oversized cards. The cards made annoyed grunts as they were quickly moved around, and after a thorough shuffling, the Yellow Rabbit pointed to the other players and himself. Five cards were dealt out to each player by the giant hands. They were tossed still face down and landed that way in a row in front of each player.   
  
With an image of a one-eared white rabbit and a lady wearing red sitting in its lap, on the backs of the cards, they stood up, with front sides facing their players, and backs to the other players. Some of Lisa's cards landed with heads closer to her, and others with feet closer, so that while some were standing upright with feet on the ground, others had to face her upside down standing on their hands. The card furthest to Lisa's left looked at her with surprise as it stood on its hands upside down.  
  
"Oh! Nice to see you again," it whispered, "I see you managed to find the White Rabbit."  
  
"Oh, it's you!" said Lisa as she looked at the card and realized it was the same Eight of Spades card she met earlier, "It's so good to see you again Eight of-"  
  
The other cards in front of Lisa frowned at her and hissed with at her in a whisper, "Ssshhhh, don't let everyone know what cards you have!"  
  
"Oh sorry!" apologized Lisa as she looked at her cards, which consisted of an Eight of Spades, a Three of Spades, both of the red Fours, and the Queen of Clubs.  
  
Mad Monty kicked two of the cards in his row, making them kneel over to the ground. As they crawled away, he asked for two new cards.  
  
"Why did he do that for? That was mean!" said Lisa.  
  
"Mad Monty is always mean to us," whispered the Eight of Spades in reply, "We hate being sent away to be replaced, but we hate being kicked down even more..."  
  
"You don't like being sent away for better cards?" asked Lisa.  
  
"It hurts our feelings to be rejected." replied the Eight of Spades.  
  
Barney the Butterfly pointed to four of his cards and shooed them away with a hand gesture. The cards sullenly walked past Barney and with their backs still turned to the other players, stood behind him. One of the rejected cards began to cry . After replacing them, the Yellow Jester looked over at Lisa. Her cards shook their heads, as if they hoped she would not have them replaced.   
  
"Um, that's okay. I'll keep the cards I already have." said Lisa to the Yellow Jester.  
  
"Oh she must have a good row," said Mad Monty, as the Yellow Jester threw out a small bag onto the center of the big square.  
  
"Only one bag of chips?" asked Barney, "Oh okay, I'm in."  
  
Barney reached behind him and threw out a small bag on the center of the field, it landed a few feet away from the Yellow Jester's bag.  
  
"Count me in as well," said Mad Monty as he threw out a bag to the center of the square, "Little girl, are you in too?"  
  
"But I don't have any-" Lisa looked behind herself and found a pile of bags, "-potato chips?"  
  
The bags had the words, "WHITE RABBIT BRAND Deep Fried Potato Chips EXTRA SALTY" printed on them. Lisa picked up a bag and tossed it at the center of the board, but she only managed to throw it a few feet away from her cards.  
  
"Ha ha! The little girl can't throw!" laughed Mad Monty.  
  
Embarrassed, and then worried about winning with her row of cards, Lisa picked up another bag and lifted it behind her shoulder.  
  
"Here," whispered the Eight of Spades, "Let me throw it for you, I can throw it backwards."  
  
Lisa handed her bag of chips to the Eight of Spades, who threw it backwards. It landed right next to the Yellow Jester's bag. The dealer threw out a second bag, then looked over at Barney, who was eating from one of the bags of chips.  
  
"Oh-" said Barney as he took chips out of his bag, "I will throw in another, and raise you two."  
  
After Barney threw three bags into the pile, the Yellow Jester tossed out two more. Mad Monty paused and carefully examined his cards. While Mad Monty stood looking at his cards, the Four of Diamonds showed off some photographs to the Four of Hearts.  
  
The Four of Diamonds whispered to his friend, "Look at this picture of the king and queen doing bedroom gymnastics!"  
  
"Is it as good as this pictures of them doing the wild monkey dance? Oh my, what fascinating positions!" whispered the Four of Hearts.  
  
"Let me see those!" said Lisa as she snatched them from the hands of the Four of Diamonds.  
  
"Give those back! We're not supposed to have them!" whispered the Four of Hearts.  
  
"Those sort of revealing photographs are illegal, do you want us to lose our heads? Now hand them back before anybody else sees them," whispered the Four of Diamonds.  
  
Lisa snickered as she studied the two pictures. One was of the White Rabbit and Red Queen doing somersaults and back-flips in their royal bedroom with people in the background holding up signs with the number ten on them. The other picture featured them dancing with monkeys doing outrageous dance moves. Lisa did her best to hold in her laughter as she handed them back.   
  
"Hmm... this looks to be too rich for my blood." said Mad Monty.  
  
"You can do it sir!" said Mr. Smih.  
  
"They're no match for your great skills and great luck!" said Mr. Thurs.  
  
"No no, I'll get them in the next round, I'll fold." said Mad Monty as his cards walked away, with their backs to everybody else, behind him with the two kneeled over and groaning playing card people.  
  
Lisa had the Eight of Spades throw out three more bags for her. The other two gave up and Lisa collected her winnings.  
  
"Hey she's not bad" said Barney as he opened another bag of chips and put another chip in his mouth.  
  
"Yes yes, well played, let us go on to another round!" said Mad Monty.  
  
After Lisa cheered with her cards and thanked them, all the dealt cards walked back to the dealer.  
  
"Thank you for not getting replacing of any of us. I hope that I get dealt to you again," the Eight of Spades said to Lisa.   
  
Lisa smiled as the cards were shuffled again. The Yellow Jester passed out five cards to everyone, but before anybody could replace cards or place bets, a pair of large-nosed, short men wearing hats that looked like upside down cups came and interrupted the game. The two ran into the middle of the board and began excitedly jumping up and down. King Bongomus and the Red Queen rushed over to them.  
  
"What is it? What is the matter? Say something before I take off your heads!" demanded the Red Queen.  
  
The White Rabbit frowned and whispered into the Red Queen's ear.   
  
"What was that? Oh! They're mute, I forgot!" said the queen.  
  
Matthew, the Royal Scribe, handed them a piece of paper and a pencil. The two guards quickly wrote something on the sheet of paper as Lisa wondered what could have been so important that they needed to interrupt their game. Matthew took the sheet back when they were done and a troubled expression overcame his face as he read the message. The queen demanded to know what was wrong, so she snatched the paper and a look of anger filled her face as she read it.  
  
"Someone has killed Senior Bombus Monticola, my favorite royal messenger!" screeched the queen, "I demand to know who this someone is, so HEADS CAN ROLL!!!"  
  
Everyone stood with a look of shock, then of grief and anger, except for Lisa, who began to sweat and wonder if she should tell them the truth before they find out on their own. The Red Queen began looking around at everybody while the playing cards unstacked themselves and began to anxiously talk about the terrible news. Everybody avoided eye contact with the queen as she scanned around for someone to blame. The White Rabbit looked especially upset, and Barney was in tears. Lisa was not sure what to do, she wanted to do the right thing, but she was afraid she would lose her head or possibly worse. She tried to stand away from everyone else to avoid talking about what happened, but as she backed away, she noticed a small object bouncing toward the king and queen. As it grew closer, Lisa realized that it was a light bulb that was hopping on its socket-head.  
  
"Oh me oh my!" cried out the light bulb, "Oh me oh my indeed! Everybody listen up! Everybody quiet down and listen up! I have important information!"  
  
The scribe Matthew rushed over to the light bulb yelling, "Everybody settle down! It seems that Lenny the Light Bulb has something important to tell us."  
  
Everyone grew quiet and gathered around the small talking light bulb as it continued to speak, "I know who killed Senior Bumblebee! I know who killed Senior Bumblebee!"  
  
"Well don't leave us in suspense, say who did the deed already!" cried out Mad Monty.  
  
"Well," said Lenny, "I was doing my job as usual, you know, being a light bulb at the forest rabbit hole exit of Wonderland, when I noticed Senior Bombus Monticola talking to somebody I never seen before. I looked away for a minute or two, he seemed to be trying to ask some girl out to dinner, so I decided to give him some privacy, then I heard some loud sound and... and..."  
  
"And what? Say what you saw before I cut off your socket-head!" demanded the Red Queen.  
  
"I saw the wall around the rabbit hole door fall on our poor friend with some evil-looking girl holding the emergency glass hammer in her hand, like she just broke the wall just to drop it on our good, good friend..." cried Lenny.  
  
"Some evil-looking girl? When did this happen?" asked Matthew the scribe.  
  
Little Lenny told them exactly what time this happened as he tried to choke back tears. Murmurs of shocks and vows of revenge ran through the crowd. Lisa did not like hearing some of the things people planned to do to the killer of their good friend.  
  
"Are you sure he's dead?" asked Mad Monty.  
  
"Well, first I wanted to check if he was really dead or not, but it took a really long time to unscrew myself. I called for help, but nobody was near the rabbit hole exit, it was like none of the forest animals were around at all. After I managed to get myself on the ground without cracking my bulb, I hopped over his body and tried to wake him up, but he wouldn't move. I even ran off and found some female bumblebees to tell him they would go out to dinner with him if he woke up, but he still wouldn't move..."   
  
"He wouldn't wake up when female bumblebees told him they would go out with him? It's true! He must really be dead! He'd come back to life more times than Jebus if he could get a date with a female bumblebee!" cried Mad Monty.  
  
"The female bumblebees stayed to watch his body while I came to tell you the news. It's so awful... why would anybody do it? Why? Why?" cried out Lenny.  
  
"What did this evil-looking girl look like?" asked the queen.  
  
Lisa tried to slip away as Lenny began to describe the killer, "Well, she was about this tall..." Lenny hopped up to the height of Lisa. "She had yellow skin, spiky hair and... she wore an orange dress."  
  
"Why that sounds like- hey, where did the little girl go?" exclaimed Mad Monty.  
  
"She's at the edge of the crowd," cried out Mr. Smih.  
  
"She's trying to get away! She must be the one! She must be the murderer!" cried out Mr. Thurs.  
  
All the playing card men jumped on top of Lisa just before she could get out of the crowd. The angry mob that surrounded her tied her up as she screamed out, "It was an accident! I didn't mean to do it!"  
  
"So you did do it!" said the Red Queen.  
  
"How could you? This is awful-" said Barney as he belched out a bubble that read, "This is most horrendous news. Most horrendous indeed."  
  
"You know what this means! Bring out the royal guillotine!" screeched the Red Queen, "TAKE OFF HER HEAD!!!"  
  
The royal cards rushed up to the giant turtle and took out a massive guillotine from the back of the red box on the turtle's back. They set it up in the center of the giant poker game square, and Lisa was carried to it. Before she was loaded in and placed under the giant blade, the Eight of Spades blocked their way.  
  
"Wait, this is wrong! We can't do this!" said the Eight of Spades.  
  
Lisa felt relieved and began to hope she would make out of this alive after all.  
  
"We need to put this evil little girl on trial first! No matter the crime, we should follow proper procedures!" demanded the Eight of Spades.  
  
"He's right," said Barney the Butterfly as he joined the Eight of Spades in blocking the way, "Mr. Bumblebee would want justice done, not-" A belch bubble interrupted him, but it was popped by a spear before anybody could read what was written in it.  
  
"A trial? But we're angry now! Load her into the guillotine!" screeched the queen.  
  
Lisa and a small crowd struggled to keep her out of the deadly device, but they were outnumbered and ultimately overpowered. As Lisa's neck was placed under the guillotine's massive blade hanging from the top of the lethal contraption, the royal guards held back the crowd of Senior Bumblebee's enraged friends. A wooden board with a half circle, bigger than the width of Lisa's neck but smaller than the size of her head, cut out from the bottom, held her down as the crowd grew more and more agitated. Many wanted her punishment to be worse than beheading, others demanded a trial be held, because a mob execution would have been a dishonor to their friend's memory.  
  
"Please! Stop this madness! We mustn't-"  
  
"Eight of Spades, SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!" screeched the Red Queen, "Shut your mouth or it'll be OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!!"  
  
At the sight of their extraordinarily enraged queen, the crowd suddenly became very silent. The two large-nosed men wearing red fezzes prepared to cut the rope which would behead Lisa Simpson. They could not decide who was going to do it, and began hitting each other with the blunt end of their spears.  
  
"Tell those two bloody idiots to stop fighting and start beheading!" screamed Mad Monty.  
  
"OFF WITH HER HEAD, now!!!" screeched the Red Queen.  
  
The two large-nosed men would not stop fighting, two of the guards who were holding back the crowd tried to separate them. A stream of sweat dripped from Lisa's brow, it would not be long before she had no head to sweat with. Her heart was beating in her chest so hard that she would not have been surprised if she heard it thumping even over the Red Queen's constant screams of beheading and revenge. Suddenly, she realized that the ropes binding her had loosened during the struggle to force her into the guillotine, her heart began to beat harder, not out of fear, but out of renewed hope she would get home safely after all. 


	6. the end is near!

"Forget about those two! I will do it myself" declared the queen. the enraged monarch approached the guillotine just as Lisa managed to free her hands. Surprised and realizing what happened, the Red Queen began to run toward the guillotine, but she tripped on her dress and fell over face first. Lisa laughed and reached for the wooden block holding her down, but her heart skipped a beat as she realized that the board was locked in place. The queen got up with a smile, pulled out a knife with a blade shaped like a heart and cut the rope holding up the guillotine's blade. A sharp "thunk" sound made some in the crowd cheer, and made others go completely silent.  
  
"Ha ha! Justice has been done! Hazah! Hazah!" cheered Mad Monty.  
  
Barney the Butterfly stood speechless, the only sound he made was a burp that yielded a word filled bubble which read, "A terrible injustice has been done this day."  
  
"Good, now that we are over with that, we will get back to our poker game. Then afterward that we shall plan our beloved friend's funeral," declared the Red Queen.  
  
A low buzzing noise made everybody stand up straight with surprise, they looked around wondering what it could have been. The cheering stopped as the crowd silently searched for the source of the sound. Flying from the direction of the castle, through the grove of trees, was a small dot. It flew over to the crowd and a familiar voice broke the silence.  
  
"Ola, amigos and amigas! It is I, Senior Bombus Monticola!" declared the small dot.  
  
King Bongomus, with his mouth hanging loosely from his mouth whispered into the Red Queen's ears, who suddenly blurted out, "But- but- Lenny said you were dead!"  
  
"Yeah, you wouldn't even wake up when all those female bumblebees asked you for dates!" said Lenny the Light Bulb.  
  
"Oh, the bonita females said the same thing about me being dead. I just had the strangest experience," said the small bee.  
  
"Well, don't keep it to yourself, tell us about it," blurted out Mad Monty, not thinking of anything else to say.  
  
"Okay, let me see... Oh, I remember now. I was helping this pretty young seniorita called Lisa Simpson. I told her to hit some wall with the magic glass hammer, but I forgot to fly out of the way, and it must have fell on me."  
  
The crowd gasped with horror as they looked over at the guillotine with guilt and disgust with themselves while Senior Bombus Monticola continued, "Everything went black and I had the strangest dream! My whole life flashed before my eyes, and I saw all these beautiful ladies turning me down for dates! It was horrible! Then I saw this bright light at the end of a dark tunnel, and I heard all these bumblebee senioritas telling me they wanted to go out to dinner with me! I flew away from the bright light and woke up with all these bonita ladies crying over me. Anyway, now I have a date later tonight with five female bumblebees at the same time! And I have more dates next week too! I am so, so happy now... hey, what is over there that all of you are staring at?"  
  
The Red Queen rushed to block the bumblebee's view of the guillotine. The Yellow Jester silently motioned for guards to surround the base of the guillotine. They rushed over with a pair of bags as Mr. Bumblebee's curiosity grew.  
  
"What is over there? Why is everybody still so sad? I said I am more than all right, no need to cry... I will go see what is there," declared Senior Bombus Monticola as he flew toward the guillotine.  
  
Everyone gasped and half the royal cards fainted. The Eight of Spades broke out in tears. Mad Monty and the White Rabbit bit at their fingernails. Barney the Butterfly began to hiccup uncontrollably as he nervously began eating potato chips left over from the poker game. Everybody's hearts skipped a beat when the little bumblebee looked at the base of the guillotine and cried out, "Oh my goodness me, this is terrible!"  
  
The crowd broke out in tears as Mad Monty screamed out, "Yes! We did it! We're horrid, absurd, disgusting creatures who went too far in our tom-foolery. Oh the Shame! The Shame! If we only did a trial like- like- " Before he could finish, he broke down in tears.  
  
"This is such a mess, what is all this red stuff on the big watermelon cutter you have out here? And why is everybody still crying?" asked the bumblebee.  
  
The crowd rushed over to the guillotine, and saw that there was a red-soaked guillotine, a red soaked ground, and a pair of bags the royal guards were very nervously guarding. When they realized that the bags were tied and sealed so that nothing of their contents could be seen, many sighed in relief.  
  
"So, why hasn't anybody answered my question? Why were you still crying?"  
  
"Oh, my dear messenger, we were so... distraught that we kept crying even after we were happy to find out you are still alive. But we are better now, so how about we-"  
  
"Oh! Say no more my queen! I am very happy that I am so beloved, although I wish the female bumblebees had started loving me sooner..."  
  
Mad Monty walked up to Mr. Bumblebee and said, "My good friend! How about we leave this awful contraption alone and go eat some delicious honey, I happen to have a jar under the food table in case you ever dropped by!"  
  
"That sounds great, but... what were you doing with this thing over here? And what is inside those two bags the guards are standing in front of? I see red spots starting to appear on the bags, maybe whatever you have inside is leaking."   
  
"Oh Senior, don't worry about those! We were just cleaning the guillo- I mean, the watermelon cutter! Let's go eat some honey now, OK?" suggested the queen.  
  
"Oh, okay. I would love to- hey, do you guys see what I am seeing?"  
  
"What is it?" asked the queen.  
  
Matthew the scribe pointed up at the sky and the crowd looked up and saw a mass of flying saucers hovering overhead. Round shadows passed over the crowd, while whispers and murmurs passed back and forth. The Red Queen looked visibly shaken and upset at the strange sight, until King Bongomus whispered something in her ear which quickly calmed her.  
  
"Don't anybody worry," declared the queen, "Our highness, my snookie-woo, has assured me that whoever these airborne invaders are, our Royal Air Force will deal with them shortly."  
  
Everybody was still showing signs of worry even though they calmed down with the news from their king. The Royal Air Force of Wonderland automatically attacked any hostile enemy force that dared to travel in the skies over their kingdom, although they were very rarely used. People began to wonder if they would do any good, but then, up in the sky, fast moving, distant objects were seen flying toward the mass of flying invaders. Everyone calmed down and some even began to cheer.  
  
Aboard the lead saucer, a pair of green creatures wearing glass domes over their heads stood looking down on Wonderland through a window on the side of their craft. Their heads, which made up most of their bodies, had a single eye at the center of their faces with a mouth full of pointed teeth at the bottom. They both stood on slimy green tentacles that slithered as they stood watching the progress of their invasion.  
  
One of the monstrous creatures turned toward the other and spoke, with a slimy monstrous tone of voice, "Congratulations. Your scouting mission was a success, Supreme Commander Kodos of the Ninth space armada."  
  
"Why thank you, Supreme Commander Kang of the Tenth space armada. It was difficult, but after following that little girl, we managed to uncover the secret entrance." replied Kodos.  
  
"Yes, we were able set up a trans-fictional portal device to teleport our fleet here after our soldiers sneaked through the entrance."  
  
"After we are done with this 'Wonderland', I would like conquer a world I have just recently discovered. It would make an excellent addition to our mighty empire."  
  
"Oh? What world would this be?" asked Kang.  
  
"It is described in this amazing report I have just read," replied Kodos as he pulled out a book with the title, "Harry Potter", on the cover.  
  
"Perhaps I should read this report later, after we have conquered the Red Queen's kingdom!" replied Kang as another green creature slithered over by the window.   
  
"Ah, our report of the invasion thus far has arrived! How goes our advance? I have no doubt these primitive weaklings are cowering as we speak," said Kodos smiling.  
  
The third creature looked nervous as it spoke, "There is a problem Supreme Commanders. Our sensors have detected fast moving, air-borne objects heading our way."  
  
"Must be primitive air defenses, nothing to worry about. Our scouting squadron annihilated them, correct?" asked Kang.  
  
"Actually sir, we lost contact with them and they no longer register on our sensors," replied the third creature with a nervous quiver.  
  
"What? Our scout squadron defeated? This can't be!" exclaimed Kodos.  
  
Suddenly a small object appeared far away through the window. As it became closer, it's pink form and white wings became clearer.  
  
"Flying pigs! Their air defenses consist of pigs with wings! This is absurd, what use are they against our photon torpedoes and flashy light weapons? They can't possibly stand a chance against us!" exclaimed Kodos.  
  
"Pigs? What are pigs?" asked the third creature.  
  
Kodos looked at the third creature with anger and said, "You don't know what- First, in the tunnels, you said you never heard of dogs before, now you tell me you don't know what pigs are? We had been hiding on Earth for over a week now! There was plenty of time to learn about Earthling life forms, what is wrong with-"  
  
The three looked out their window and were horrified to realize how big the pigs really were. One of them had managed to get within a hundred feet of the ship, and by the fact that its head was ten times the size of the vessel, and its mouth was open wide, they knew what happened to their scouting squadron.  
  
"Quickly! We must make emergency evasive action!" commanded Kang.  
  
The lead flying saucer dived desperately as the giant pig bit down, narrowly escaping being swallowed. Other saucer vessels were not so lucky, the few remaining saucers fired on the winged pigs with energy beams and exploding missiles. None of the saucer weapons had any effect on the flying animals. The lead ship desperately tried to fight back, but they were helpless as the dark inside of a flying pig's mouth swallowed them whole, enveloping them in a pitch black darkness. There was black everywhere, nothing but absolute darkness.  
  
A young boy sat up from his bed with a fright. Moments earlier, he saw total darkness, now he was in his room at his comfortable familiar home. He was wearing his usual blue shorts and orange shirt when he looked around his room and did not see any one-eared rabbits, green space aliens or flying pigs.  
  
"Ay caramba! I must have fallen asleep while I was daydreaming in bed! What a weird dream," said the boy to himself. "And it was all about Lisa's bad day in some place called Wonderland. Why did she end up dying in the end?."  
  
The spiky-haired boy lay back down in his bed, looking up at the ceiling and said, "I hope I didn't dream that bad dream about Lisa because I felt guilty about the toilet paper in her saxophone... heh heh heh... I told her I used toilet water!" laughed the boy.   
  
The boy heard chuckling from near the doorway to his room. He sat up and looked toward the doorway, not believing his eyes, he rubbed them. Then he rubbed them again, but he still saw an eight-foot tall, one-eared yellow rabbit wearing an orange frilly jacket, and a pair of puffy, blue, pantaloons.  
  
"Woah! Cool man! A humongous one-eared rabbit... wait a minute," said the boy, "You look- hey, you were in my dream!"  
  
The giant rabbit wiggled its nose and smiled.  
  
"You did the same thing before you started to bother Lisa. You tried to lock her out of Wonderland... ha ha!" laughed the boy. "Hey, maybe I can ride you and we can go bother her together, this'll be better than the toilet paper this morning!"  
  
The rabbit wiggled its nose and smiled again as the boy pointed at the rabbit and said "My name is Bart Simpson, and you're going to be my new pet! I'm going to use you to torture teachers at school, raid candy stores, and if there is time, maybe give rabbit back rides to my baby sister Maggie. Now, in exchange, I will let you eat all the carrots you can steal from people's gardens, sleep in my family's garage and- hey, what are you doing?"  
  
Bart tried to move out of the way as the rabbit moved its massive head toward him. He tried scooting away on his bed, but the rabbit's head kept moving forward as its mouth opened. The boy fell off his bed and tried to crawl underneath, but before he could get his legs to safety, the rabbit's massive mouth grabbed hold of his lower body and pulled him out. Bart's body dangled from the massive rabbit's mouth as it prepared to tilt its head back.  
  
"Stupid rabbit! Didn't you hear me? I'm your new master now, not your food!" scolded Bart, "Now put me down!"  
  
The rest of Bart was sucked into the rabbit's mouth and with a hard gulp, he was swallowed whole. The giant rabbit tilted its head back forward, wiggled its nose, and smiled. It sat and stared out the window in Bart's room. Its single ear stood up as the sound of bicycle echoed in the distance. The rabbit stuck its head out the window and saw no bicycle. It stuck its head through the doorway of Bart's room and still saw no Bicycle. Finally, the one-eared rabbit looked out the window at the clear blue sky outside, that was speckled with patches of white fluffy clouds, and said, "Now what could that be?"  
  
Lisa Simpson's eyes shot open to the sight of a light blue sky dotted with white, fluffy clouds. Distant sounds of churning bicycle gears filled the afternoon air. Lisa looked down and realized that she was sitting down under a green tree standing on a green lawn. An open book, with the pages facing down and spine looking up, sat on her lap. The shade of the tree blocked the sun from hitting her skin, and she rubbed her eyes as her mouth yawned by itself.  
  
"I must have fallen asleep," said Lisa out loud, "Oh my God! The rabbit ate Bart, it- wait, that was all a dream. A crazy, absurd dream. But what if it wasn't? I didn't like what Bart did to me this morning, but I hope I didn't dream he was gobbled up by the rabbit because I want something really bad to happen to him. Where is he anyway?"  
  
The sound of bicycle wheels turning past Lisa by as a blue-haired boy quickly said, "Hi Lisa," as he passed by. Lisa realized that it was her brother's best friend, Millhouse, riding past her on his bike. As he rode away, she realized that he was wearing a backpack, with the head of a baby penguin peeking out of the bag's top opening. Lisa rushed to her feet and followed the boy. Millhouse rode to the front door of Lisa's house and called out for Bart. The front door swung open and Bart rushed out.  
  
"What is it Mil- Woah! A baby penguin! Cool!" exclaimed Bart.  
  
"Yeah, the animals broke out from the zoo and I snatched it when its mom was looking away." said Millhouse.   
  
"Hey, what's that over there?" asked Bart, pointing toward the sidewalk.   
  
A penguin was angrily waddling toward the front door of the Simpson household at alarming speed. Bart and Milhouse ran away as the angry mother chased after them. Lisa arrived on the scene while Milhouse tossed the baby penguin up a tree as the two boys quickly climbed up its branches. The mother penguin circled the tree waiting for them to come down.  
  
"Penguins can't climb trees, can they Bart?" asked Millhouse as it clutched the baby penguin in its arms.  
  
"Why did you keep that baby? If you returned it, the mother would go away!" exclaimed Bart.  
  
"But I want a pet penguin..." whined Millhouse as Bart gave him a dirty look, "Oh, okay Bart, I'll return it."  
  
Millhouse tossed the bird back to its mother, and the larger penguin rushed to its baby. Bart tried to climb back down, but the mother bird rushed over to him and pecked at his leg, the baby penguin also rushed over, and mimicking its mother, it too pecked Bart on the leg. The boy quickly went back up the tree while the two birds continued circling the tree. Lisa, who stood watching, laughed at the two boys.  
  
"We returned the baby, what else does it want?" cried Millhouse.  
  
"Revenge, Millhouse. Revenge." Bart said solemnly. The two desperately looked for a way out of their situation. Bart looked over at Lisa and yelled out, "Hey! Lisa! Help us out over here!"  
  
"I don't know Bart. I still remember what you did this morning." yelled back Lisa.  
  
"Aw come on! I didn't even do anything wrong here! The penguins are only after me because Millhouse-"  
  
"Millhouse didn't put wet toilet paper in my Sax and then tell me it was wet with toilet water!"  
  
"Come on! We need help here!" yelled Bart.  
  
"Apologize for what you did this morning, and I'll consider helping you."  
  
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry I put wet toilet paper in your Sax, and I'm sorry I've been a crappy brother to you."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Okay.Okay. And I'm sorry I told you I wet the paper with toilet water."  
  
"That's better."  
  
"Well?"  
  
"Well what Bart?"  
  
"Well what are you going to do with these penguins?"  
  
"You two wait right there, I just thought of something."  
  
Lisa ran off and left the two boys in the tree. Millhouse began to slip and his leg got within reach of the birds. Both of the penguins furiously pecked at the exposed limb. Bart quickly pulled his friend back up as the boy yelled in pain. A minute later Lisa returned riding on her bicycle. She rode around the penguins, encircling them, and keeping them away from the tree. The two boys jumped down as the penguins began attacking Lisa with pecks from their beaks.   
  
"Ow! That hurt," cried out Lisa as the birds began to chase the two boys again.  
  
"Quick, get to our bikes Bart!" cried out Millhouse as the birds began to peck at the blue-haired boy's rear end.  
  
Bart had already hopped on his bicycle. Millhouse ran to him and jumped on top Bart's shoulders, clutching his head with his arms and wrapping his legs around his neck.  
  
"Get off Millhouse! And take your hands off my eyes, I can't see-ow!," complained Bart while the birds began to peck at him as he blindly rode the bicycle in circles.  
  
"They were better off up the tree," commented Lisa, "They could probably use more of my help... then again, I've seen enough weird stuff today. I'm sure they'll find a way out of this."  
  
Lisa turned around and went back inside her house to read a book. The one she was about to read before she unexpectedly fell asleep under a tree. Her nightmare through the strange kingdom of "Wonderland", a land ruled by the one-eared White Rabbit, was enough strangeness for one day. The bright rays of the sun shined through patches of puffy white clouds on the warm afternoon day. Under the yellow, and sometimes clouded sun, a pair of boys, on a red bicycle, rode in circles as a pair of black and white penguins, red all over with anger, chased them on a green lawn.  
  
THE END  
  
extra special note:   
  
Special thanks to Fryfan for the help with the Spanish. Another round of thanks to the first three people who reviewed my last story, an Alice In Wonderland/Simpsons crossover. I would never have finished this 15000 word, Simpsons parody of AIW without the knowledge that somebody would actually read it. And thanks to you, the reader, for reading my story. Unless you skipped straight to the ending to read this, in which case, shame on you and no thanks to you at all!  
  
-Silvertide, the master of the triple flip spinning hurricane piledriver (not! it ain't even a real move!) and the stiff arm crippler-crossface takedown counter (you better hope I never use it on you for real!) 


End file.
